I never thought I would home educate. I went to school. Everyone I knew went to school.
I spent four and a half years at university training to be a teacher. I believe in Education. I never questioned the importance of going to school. I, like most people, took it for granted that that is what you did when you were a kid - you went to school. You hated it, but you went, it's just the way it is, right?
I'd heard of home education and thought it was something people do in some far away place for reasons that had nothing to do with me.
All that changed a year and a half ago when my husband and I decided to take our eldest daughter out of school for good.
We didn't really know where we were going, but we knew what we were leaving.
I was tired of telling my then four year old to hurry up. Hurry up and eat breakfast, hurry up and get ready for school, hurry, don't miss the bus, hurry up finish dinner so she could do her homework, get to bed and get enough sleep for the mammoth day of rushing ahead of her tomorrow.
Anyone who was a young child knows, that children and the word 'hurry' don't mix, no matter how loudly you shout it.
What was happening to my family? We had little time to play or communicate or just be together. Her baby sister was generally in bed shortly after she got home so their relationship was left till the weekends, as though unimportant, a side event to the main show - school.
How can this be what's best for our family? For the girls? Leading separate lives? Already?
With a head full of doubt I went to our first 'parent-teacher consultation' and came out distraught. I was told my four year old was 'struggling' because she was unable to sit on a mat for thirty minutes to listen to a foreign language she didn't understand. When did that become something that we expected from four year olds? When did that become something we expected from anyone?
After the meeting we were playing in the park and I looked at my daughter, closely, I watched her, perhaps in a way I hadn't before. All I could see was a beautiful, intelligent, vivacious, spirited little girl, excited by life and what she could do.
And then I knew, it wasn't her, it was them.
Now, a year and a half later, we have achieved something great. We've said no to school. We've made some friends, read some books, made some mistakes and learned a whole new way of looking at life. Of looking at growing and learning and living, together as a family, without school.
Even here in Hong Kong, in the midst of a concrete jungle and a society that values schooling, schooling and more schooling there are kids wandering about during the day taking time to look at things, to ask questions and have great conversations, thankfully mine are among them.
Hi Bec.theres the argument that you will be spending 24 hours a day with your kids,and will never have that precious few 'quiet' hours to yourself.Mums love the feeling of sending their kids off to school,and having the house to themselves to do things,(or have their own life)then welcoming them home and loving to see them at the end of the day.They will also develop a much stronger relationship with you than their father.. as they will spend so much more time with you.And do you not wanto go back into the workforce perhaps,it seriously limits your future options for yourself,what choices will you have.Sheltering you kids/keeping them so close too much perhaps is not a good thing,cutting them off from all the important school interactive experiences.Im sure they will enjoy home schooling,but what will you enjoy in your life is really the question here too
ReplyDeleteI love my kids and enjoy spending time with them. My husband and I are a great team and he is totally dedicated to our family and Home Education. I do not worry about his relationship with them.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your concern about my career, but juggling motherhood and a professional life is something many mothers do, very successfully I might add. I am doing pretty well so far.
Perhaps, if and when you decide to become a mother, school might be right for you and your family. One thing you can be sure of is I will respect your choices.
As long as your happy limiting your own lifestyle so much.It is your life too afterall,and you haveto have your own dreams.Taking up all your days for the next ten or however long years is an extremely huge sacrifice.As then you will be in your 40's/5o's and your youth will be over.I do respect your choices,I just don't understand them or agree with them, and I guess we have entirely different lifestyles.Different characters keep the world spinning I suppose so again each to their own.I just hope you are happy in the future with this choice,and dont have regrets.
ReplyDeleteI don't look at it is a limitation, I look at it as a liberation. Having children always involves a little sacrifice.
ReplyDeleteHaving my children beside me doesn't mean I don't live? We have travelled continents together for the past 5 years and had a wonderful time. We will continue to have a great time together, enjoying each other's company into the future.
What exactly you're supposing I would get up to whilst my kids are in school during the day I'm not sure.
Growing older just brings another stage in life, I embrace it and welcome the evolution!
I understand you like the company of your children...but there is nothing free about being with your kids 24 hours a day,sorry.You should be exploring your own world,not revolving your entire existance around your children.You ask what would you be doing while your kids are at school?While your kids were at school you could be seeing friends,hobbies,career,shopping, etc doing what YOU wanto do.living life!freely!being a free spirit.There are so many things you just cant do with your kids tagging along.The list is far too long to write..Surely you want your own time?Well I guess you don't.As long as your comfortable with the idea that when they are grown up,you will be older and as I said your years would have passed you by and you would not have lived for yourself...again yourself,not just for them.Adult friendships are very important,these are impossible to enrich when your with your kids all day every day,and thats the only thing you can talk about..the things you have been doing with your kids.Very limited converation wouldnt you say.
ReplyDeleteThats good you embrace getting older and all,but theres no 'evolution' if you are always with your kids and do not enrich your own personal needs and dreams.Your kids would always be there,but will the rest of your life and things you want be waiting for you?Your only very young.The world has so much to offer you besides raising children.Even when I have my kids,(well Chris and I only want one,and all in good time),I intend on running my decorating business and having my own social life,and freedom.I will not loose my self or who I am.I don't think my kids would want that either.Again,you are a teacher and you wanto dedicate your life to this full-time.Fair enough,as I said earlier each to their own.IThey are lucky to have a dedicated mother.I hope they don't regret not going to school either.I hope it all works out.
Jess,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading the very common responses to the worries that people who choose, or would send, their children to school. It is a good feeling knowing that others are concerned for your children.
Looking at the points though I see a few misconceptions of what happens at home, and what not sending your children to school entails. This is part of what this blog is for - to challenge our thinking and to get it clear in our heads what we are doing. Thank you for posting.
My children are simply too busy for school. They are too busy playing and learning with their friends. Not only that, but what a cross-section of their friends shows, is very encouraging. My children have the confidence to mix with any age and background as that is part of everyday life for them. I see school children their age every-day, mumbling, shy, and hesitant. Not my kids.
I am glad that my children have a strong relationship with their Mother (as opposed to who? No-one? Neither Father or Mother?) The reality is also that I have a better and more involved relationship with my children as for example we can stay up late after I get back from work, as they don't have to go to bed to be up early for school.
Of course their Mother is tired and there are 'precious few hours' to do what she wants. Unless you count being with my children. I find now as a parent that the most common complaint from people who use a school to educate their children is that they don't have enough time to spend with them. If what you want to do is be with your children then there is no real problem.
The sheltering or worry of 'keeping them too close' is a genuine concern. Actually though, school is where children are sheltered from the outside world. We are doing the opposite. They are in the real world, with real consequences, doing real things, with real tools. For real.
I understand Jess, that you work in a creative area, and that you weld? I love that. I want my children to have every opportunity to do that when they want. If they want to weld something I'll fix it for them to find an expert and spend as much time as they can with them. If they were at school: no tools, no time, no freedom to choose what to make, no opportunity.
Having to make a sacrifice a career is another genuine concern. Interestingly though from what I read 'a career' is on it's way out. The future will require of people communication skills. "AHA!" you say! "People go to school for that!" I have nearly a decade of experience in all different types of schools and in five countries. They are all the same. Being told "Sit down. Shut up. Do this" everyday for your school life is not learning communication skills. Hopefully, my children will have an array of skills, based on their interests (no coercion, no stupid tests) that will see them enter whatever field or multi-discipline area they choose, skills learnt from genuine practitioners be they artist, craftsman, scientist or tradesman.. tradesperson.. Craftperson..
Thanks for your comments Jess and I look forward to meeting you when we move to Australia. In short: interaction and socialization are vital for children. My kids have that opportuntiy. They just don’t do it at school.
Bec, i love your blog!! As a travelling mummy of 2.... i completely understand your choice & commend you on taking on the challenge!!! I have just put my first son into primary school & am having doubts. When you are traveling the world (for husbands job!) & moving around so much, i think it takes a huge toll on the children to change from this school to that one!! I look forward to following your journey.... you have given me something to think about. It has entered my mind whether this might be the best option for my family too. We are moving to the US next year for a few years.... yet another school & education system!! i feel like it is changing my sons personality.
ReplyDeleteYou're an inspiration - truly! Only another parent can understand what you are doing for your children!!!
Hi Sally,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments! The US has a huge Home Ed. base and I'm sure if you decided to pursue your options there they would be great and many.
I have added a list of 'Inspiration' to my blog. Books and talks that have inspired me, one of these may be just the place to begin yours!
Good Luck, Keep me posted!
It is really hard to put yourself in someone's situation without having experienced it yourself. This is a hard lesson to learn and it has taken me a long time to learn it. Perception is not always reality. Sometimes traditional school is not all that it's cracked up to be.
ReplyDeleteMy children have been to school and are being home schooled for the 2 years we are in Hong Kong. I along with them have learned so much this year that wouldn't have if they were in school.
I would personally like to give Bec and James credit for making the best decision for their family.